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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2001 2:45 pm
I've done the be-polite-and-attend-the-service thing (once you complete school, I'll warn those who haven't, there'll be a spate of weddings. And since many of these will be for good friends, it'd a good idea to go.) The one thing I'd say is important: check the dress code first!
--I've made the mistake of not doing so once or twice.
During the service itself, it's easy enough to be quiet, especially when you remember how many of the "faithful" are just as bored as you are! Afterwards, if it's too "yucky", you can either:
a) beat a hasty retreat or
b) argue w/ drunken "faithful" at the reception.
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2001 4:34 pm
I would tell her she should go. No one is asking her to be Catholic, are they? She is not going to pretend she is religious, but to support loved ones.
When my grandfather died, he had a Catholic funeral. Not only was I not Catholic, but I pretty much disliked the man. He was a real bastard. But I went to the service to support my grandmother and aunts, who WERE upset. You just sit quietly - no need to kneel in prayer, and don't take communion.
Heck, when I was still Catholic, I went to my friend's Bat Mitzvah - there's a clear line between attending a family/friend event, and participating in their religion.
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2001 5:04 pm
Well, I've decided I should probably speak for myself. First of all, I do not enjoy weddings or, of course, wakes & funerals. As the years have gone on I have gotten more and more stubborn about attending. I did go to my husband's sister's third wedding a short time ago --- and sat in the car during the mass. They did not understand, but were forgiving (I think). Third wedding for her with a total of 4 grown kids, second for him (his first lasted 20 years with 4 kids) and he managed to get his annulled and they managed to get married in a Catholic church. Makes you wonder even more, doesn't it?
My husband wants me there at the funeral "to support him." I have agreed to go to the wake and drive him to the church and attend services at the grave site where I can at least commune with nature. I don't think I can do the church, I just can't stand to listen to/be subjected to all that "stuff." I'm sure it will be a full mass and I feel they should also respect my feelings and meet me half way. I am debating of explaining it to them by asking if they would attend a funeral service for a person who was a Satinist? So, anyway, with these few added bits of info, are there any different opinions or am I being a stubborn #*)#*$)?
Seems that most are in favor of "grin (grimace) and bear it." Maybe I'll try if we can sit in back where I can leave if it gets to be too much. Sure will get me BIG brownie points with the hubby, who is the only one I would even consider this whole bit for. I am so glad he and I have both opted for NO SERVICE OF ANY KIND!
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2001 7:19 pm
I think one crucial thing none of us can speak to is your relationship with your husband and his family. You are going to have to live with them after the funeral no matter what you decide. At the risk of repeating myself: I don't think you'd be selling out your principles by being a spectator at a Catholic funeral Mass. But if you're certain the proceedings are going to offend you and you've made your reasons for that clear to your loved ones my feeling is that you deserve to get some understanding and consideration from them in return.
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2001 12:54 am
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by weezle:
Well, I've decided I should probably speak for myself.</font>
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2001 1:20 am
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">originally posted be weezle:
I just can't stand to listen to/be subjected to all that "stuff." I'm sure it will be a full mass and I feel they should also respect my feelings and meet me half way. </font>
Hi freemonkey's mom! I do not think you are being stubborn and I agree with you!
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2001 6:16 am
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">I wouldn't have minded a sip of the wine, though, but they never offer you that
They do at my
church (funny how I call it my church despite never going and being an atheist).