I woke up today, feeling of shit as always. I went back to sleep-I didn't need to be up at that time.
I dreamt I was drowning during that nap. Cold...
wet...
I felt water fill my lungs
It went dark.
And then I woke up. Recall how pleasant it felt to have water filling my lungs. How they burnt before they filled. And how soothed they felt as they filled. In my dream, I struggled. In life, I know I wouldn't.
I went to work. It sucked, pretty much, but it was a two hour shift. No biggie. It went faster than normal because of the shit work. I hadn't eaten all day until after 4 pm. And then I couldn't finish a small meal. I haven't eaten since.
I spent time on the internet. Probably too much, but it is of no concern to me. I have made a few realizations. And they give me the little comfort that I have, the warmth in my life. I cling to them feebly, against the bitter cold that is reality.
So why do I put up with it? Why do I eat this shit day in, day out? Why do I go to places where I eat more shit?
I still don't know. I know that I could simply go to the warmthm and never leave, but I don't. I think how good it would feel, how real. I still don't move closer, though I now it won't burn me if I touch it.
So why do I do this?
Can anyone tell me why? Illuminati excluded, since I already can read his response, and hard-core christians as well, if your response entails God.
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Depression.
I was depressed for years. I think I have beaten it now. I'm not sure I know what to say in repsonse to your post though since there are so many different reasons people become depressed. Discussing it in public doesn't always help either. If you really feel that bad and want to talk about it then email me at gsd@cae.co.uk.
Look forwards and outwards instead of backwards and inwards.
Look forwards and outwards instead of backwards and inwards.
I know a little about depression. Bear in mind that it isn't necessarily all in your head. It can be the result of sleep deprivation, sleep disorder, chemical imbalance in the brain(Okay, that is in your head. 
), poor diet, or a host of other things. Try to remember that it can be treated and you don't have to suffer. It is amazing how hard it is to remember that when it gets bad. Take Thinker up on his offer or Email me if you want to.
Glory
), poor diet, or a host of other things. Try to remember that it can be treated and you don't have to suffer. It is amazing how hard it is to remember that when it gets bad. Take Thinker up on his offer or Email me if you want to. Glory
Depression is a beautiful thing, IF you are able to sustain it without comiting suicide.
Why? because depression is not a deffect, or a desease, its simply a premature attempt at evolution... Its when the mind is able to calculate/analyse the things you have learned to the minute details.
You will feel borred with life, and this is the point where you need to find a new chalenge in life regardless of how silly it may be.
If you contemplate suicide, you should really consider going out and sharing your thoughts with someone close to you.
I warn you, do not go on medication, because the day you forget to take it is the day you will most likely kill yourself. I know alot about depression, as I have known many people whom have been there.
BTW, while in a depressed state, your telepathic abilities are at their peak... FYI.
Whatever you do, do not consume alchohol, and be careful whom you share your condition with, because MOST people will lookdifferently at you and judge you harshly...
Why? because depression is not a deffect, or a desease, its simply a premature attempt at evolution... Its when the mind is able to calculate/analyse the things you have learned to the minute details.
You will feel borred with life, and this is the point where you need to find a new chalenge in life regardless of how silly it may be.
If you contemplate suicide, you should really consider going out and sharing your thoughts with someone close to you.
I warn you, do not go on medication, because the day you forget to take it is the day you will most likely kill yourself. I know alot about depression, as I have known many people whom have been there.
BTW, while in a depressed state, your telepathic abilities are at their peak... FYI.
Whatever you do, do not consume alchohol, and be careful whom you share your condition with, because MOST people will lookdifferently at you and judge you harshly...
If you live near Waukesha Wisconsin, go to downtown Waukesha, and hang out at the Elemo club, next to Michael's Restaurant.
There is a lady named Diane who frequents that place. She is a Illuminati Grandmaster like me. But, unlike me, she takes on new students. She can teach you how to convert depression into telepathic energy, which will change your life forever.
I promise you, nothing is as addictive as telepathy...
There is a lady named Diane who frequents that place. She is a Illuminati Grandmaster like me. But, unlike me, she takes on new students. She can teach you how to convert depression into telepathic energy, which will change your life forever.
I promise you, nothing is as addictive as telepathy...
schall --
As someone who frequently wonders what the point is of living, I can sympathize with how you feel.
I'm not much good at offering comfort, but I'll take a whack at it.
Perhaps it would help to contemplate your improbability -- maybe this would give you a sense of your existence's value. Do you realize what a weird, wonderful thing a human being is? What a phenomenally ridiculous, and magnificent, collection of molecules you are? The human brain is the most complex object in the known universe, and you have one all to yourself, at your command. You can use it to write a book, or read a book, or admire a sunset, or any number of other things.
Just remember, schall. Every day you slog off to some crappy job, or look around at a depressing cityscape, or buy another goddam meal to keep your goddam self going for another goddam day, you are actually participating in an outrageous dance of improbable molecular constructions integrating and re-integrating in infinite iterations on a spherical spaceship swirling at the edge of the galaxy! Pretty cool when you look at it that way.
As someone who frequently wonders what the point is of living, I can sympathize with how you feel.
I'm not much good at offering comfort, but I'll take a whack at it.
Perhaps it would help to contemplate your improbability -- maybe this would give you a sense of your existence's value. Do you realize what a weird, wonderful thing a human being is? What a phenomenally ridiculous, and magnificent, collection of molecules you are? The human brain is the most complex object in the known universe, and you have one all to yourself, at your command. You can use it to write a book, or read a book, or admire a sunset, or any number of other things.
Just remember, schall. Every day you slog off to some crappy job, or look around at a depressing cityscape, or buy another goddam meal to keep your goddam self going for another goddam day, you are actually participating in an outrageous dance of improbable molecular constructions integrating and re-integrating in infinite iterations on a spherical spaceship swirling at the edge of the galaxy! Pretty cool when you look at it that way.
Another way to look at it, is this.
The world is a pretty fucked up place, but you can help determine its future.
EVERYTHING is relevant at all times, obvious or not.
If you kill yourself, you will have chickened out on us and betrayed us and left us with one less intelligent mind to fight the tyrany of religious barbaric monsters...
There are lots of good atheists who's children need to have a better future than what religios orons have provided in the past.
We have entered the era of anlightment, and we, the enlightened atheists are the god whom will shape the future...
Trust me, you can help. Loosing a good human being is like loosing an entire world...
Go, wash your face, slap yourself a few times, look at some porn, jerk off, watch TV, do something to give your mind some entertainment. Intelligent people require alot of entertainment, due to the amount of proccessing our minds perform.
Ther mind needs a rest too ya know! Or, do as I said in the previous response above.
Remember, this! Only intelligent people get depressed. Morons never do. Depression is caused by an advanced mind which has accelerated its processes due to the complexity of life, etc. Its not a desease, but it is a factor you need to deal with.
If all else fails, go to Waukesha, WI
The world is a pretty fucked up place, but you can help determine its future.
EVERYTHING is relevant at all times, obvious or not.
If you kill yourself, you will have chickened out on us and betrayed us and left us with one less intelligent mind to fight the tyrany of religious barbaric monsters...
There are lots of good atheists who's children need to have a better future than what religios orons have provided in the past.
We have entered the era of anlightment, and we, the enlightened atheists are the god whom will shape the future...
Trust me, you can help. Loosing a good human being is like loosing an entire world...
Go, wash your face, slap yourself a few times, look at some porn, jerk off, watch TV, do something to give your mind some entertainment. Intelligent people require alot of entertainment, due to the amount of proccessing our minds perform.
Ther mind needs a rest too ya know! Or, do as I said in the previous response above.
Remember, this! Only intelligent people get depressed. Morons never do. Depression is caused by an advanced mind which has accelerated its processes due to the complexity of life, etc. Its not a desease, but it is a factor you need to deal with.
If all else fails, go to Waukesha, WI
Think of it this way: Your existence might just be the true purpose for the creation of the universe - and if you kill yourself you'll just fuck things up for the rest of us.
Or... God could reveal himself as an Invisible Pink Unicorn and you'd have missed it.
And if all else fails just remember that you get a free trip around the sun every year.
Or... God could reveal himself as an Invisible Pink Unicorn and you'd have missed it.
And if all else fails just remember that you get a free trip around the sun every year.
Having spent my share of time in that place, I urge you to go to your doctor and get some treatment. When you're in the depression, you can't see any way out, everything looks hopeless, and you really don't care anyway. But if you can just get up the courage and energy to see a doctor, you could shed that feeling and see the world in a new light.
Personally, I used some medications as "training wheels" while I got my mental habits under control (I found cognitive therapy very valuable), and now I am med-free and enjoying life again. So don't think that going to the doctor means you'll just be a "drugged zombie."
Please go talk to someone - you don't need a psychiatrist, just a good G.P., a good friend, or even a hotline. It can really make a difference, even if it seems like it won't to you now.
Personally, I used some medications as "training wheels" while I got my mental habits under control (I found cognitive therapy very valuable), and now I am med-free and enjoying life again. So don't think that going to the doctor means you'll just be a "drugged zombie."
Please go talk to someone - you don't need a psychiatrist, just a good G.P., a good friend, or even a hotline. It can really make a difference, even if it seems like it won't to you now.